Day 162: It’s Laura’s Day. You may not know her, but she was the first one who discovered we were missing song #162. So dedicate a random song to Laura, and have fun with it, make up a story, the more creative and fictitious the better.

“Hit Me With Your Best Shot” – Pat Benatar

Although my spouse is Laura, this post has absolutely nothing to do with her. Or does it? It’s for you to decide.

I gotta tell ya, Day 162 has been hard.

Day 162 has kicked my ass.

I’ve tried to figure out what to publish for Day 162 for literally months (not solely, of course). And that’s because publishing the Laura story you’re about to read is fraught with danger. It may get myself and others in trouble.

Because Laura is in the Witness Protection program.

How do I know this? Because she told me. Not with words, but through a dream.

I’ve never supposed myself to be particularly psychic, but I did read a book about ten years ago by John Edward (the “psychic”, not to be confused with John Edwards the dirtbag… er… former Senator) that make the supposition that everyone is psychic on some level. You just need to be open to it. So I’m going to assume that out of the thousands of dreams I’ve had in my lifetime this one is actually a case of psychic phenomenon.

(Which makes me wonder… I’ve been hearing voices for years. Maybe I need to sort through and determine which ones of those I have to start listening to, as well. That sounds like a job for Day 262.)

But back to Laura.

Apparently the crime she witnessed was a gangland attack. By this time, the clashes between the Fabricci and Accesori families, who operated in—and culled most of their members from—the cutthroat world of New York’s Fashion District, had become legend. And Laura stumbled across something she shouldn’t have seen.

She was working as a commercial real estate agent, and happened to be checking in on a warehouse when she walked in on the Fabriccis. Everyone knew that their preferred method of execution was a one-two combination of killing you with kindness to your face while stabbing you in the back, but this was something else entirely.

The Fabriccis had their victims, who belonged to the Accesoris, lined up against the wall, facing away from their attackers. Wielding bats, the Fabriccis swung wildly at the heads of their victims. Most missed (many of them simply aren’t good at sports), but for those that did connect, it was gruesome. A couple of the (really lucky) blows took heads right off. This went on for some time, amid many cries of “Come on, why is this so hard?”

Not sure whether to laugh or scream, Laura hurried out, and immediately contacted the Fashion Police. When they arrived, the scene was completely cleaned up, with the exception of the smoking gun: one crushed head. The rest of the bodies had been neatly disposed of. While no one knows exactly how many mannequins went missing that day, losses were estimated in the thousands. It was Grand Theft Mannequin.

Laura testified, and Exhibit A was security footage from the warehouse, discovered as a result of Laura’s report. Someone else found it on the Internet and dubbed “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” over the footage. The resulting video of gay mobsters doing their best to beat the tar out of mannequins (and failing)—juxtaposed with the song—went viral.

And so, Laura is on the run from the Fabriccis. Less for her testimony than the embarrassing video.

Once again, I am not making this up. This is what Laura told me. In my dream. The dream that I remember so vividly that I even remember names, because that happens all the time. The dream that I’ve chosen to believe as my one, true psychic experience.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it…