Day 90: A song you like to sing to babies.

“Don’t Come Around Here No More”
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

Truth be told, I don’t actually sing to babies. In fact, I avoid babies like the plague. I simply don’t understand people’s affinity for them.

“They’re so cute!” people say. I can buy that. If you find amorphous blobs that drool all over you cute. (I personally think all babies pretty much look alike. I guess that makes me infantist.)

“They smell so good!” people say. I must have different olfactory sensors than other people (or a different definition of “good”), because babies just smell like spit-up formula to me. Which does not smell good; it just smells like bad milk with a hint of bile. And that’s the lesser of the two evils, because just as often, they smell like poop.

“Doesn’t it make you want to have one?” people ask. Oh sure. In the way that seeing someone else’s festering boil makes me want one of my very own, too.

“It’s different when it’s your own,” people say. Yes. Yes it is, because I’d actually have to keep it for at least 18 years. And feed it, bathe it, pay its way… The list of bad things goes on. As it is now, I can simply hand the child back to you when I’ve had enough.

“What if your parents had thought like that?” people ask. Then I wouldn’t be here and I wouldn’t know the difference anyway.

Now, I know some people will take offense to all that, (while others will agree whole-heartedly) but please note, I didn’t say you shouldn’t have babies, or like their stink… er… smell, or think they’re cute. I’m just saying that’s how I feel. If everyone felt like I did, the human race would cease to exist. Maybe. But that’s a discussion for another day (and maybe even another blog.)

So, how about that song? Well, given my aversion of people of the short-and-coordinationally-challenged variety, “Don’t Come Around Here No More” seemed like a reasonable, if tongue-in-cheek, option for today’s post. It comes from Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers’ 1985 album Southern Accents, which also spawned the singles “Rebels” and “Make It Better (Forget About Me).”

I think this album is underrated. Its singles were not massive hits (but did get lots of traction on rock stations), but even outside of the singles, songs like “Spike” and the title track are very good as well. And the live version of “Spike” (found on The Live Anthology) with its additional narrative is just great (it quickly jumped on the favorites list when I got The Live Anthology). While it’s a quality album, apparently the recording process was rife with stress (Tom Petty broke his own hand slamming it into a wall) and marred by rampant drug use, making it less of a favorite among the band, but luckily as listeners we don’t have to worry about all that baggage.

Hmm… stress and baggage. Sounds like someone wanting to travel with an infant. And by “travel,” I mean “leave the house for more than five minutes.” Yeah, sign me up for that…

Hey! Don’t come around here no more.