Day 144: A song by your favorite band/artist whose name begins with “F”.

“Leave The Biker” – Fountains Of Wayne

About a hundred years ago (or at least it seems that long ago), I wrote a post about how Fountains Of Wayne should be more popular. I also think they are my favorite band whose name starts with “F”. And they should be yours, too. Trust me. I know these things. And I’m not alone. I found this Fountains Of Wayne artist primer while I was preparing this post.

So it’s probably pretty obvious to anyone who reads this blog that I’m a geek. I’m good with it, though. Mostly.

The one thing I could never come to grips with was women. It’s not an issue now, but back in my 20s, it was ridiculously annoying—no, depressing—that all these women would be out there dating absolute jerks.

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And complaining about how they couldn’t find a good guy.

To me.

For some reason, I was always “the nice guy.” “The sweet guy.” “The friend.” But not the “boyfriend.”

And I was not alone. Many of my friends were in the same boat.

Which led to me to the inescapable truth: girls/women in their teens, 20s and sometimes even into their 30s don’t actually want a nice guy. They want the bad boy. Oh sure, they say the want a nice guy, but if that were really true, there wouldn’t be vast numbers of perfectly nice guys looking for girlfriends.

I could go on about this, because, honestly, to this day I’m pretty bitter. But I won’t.

At least I know I’m not alone. “Leave The Biker” backs me up on this. The song is loaded with lyrics that I can relate to from experience. Lyrics like:

He’s got leather and big tattoos,
And scars all over his face

And I wonder if he ever has cried
Cause he couldn’t get a date for the prom


Now his friend leans over and says
Looks like we got us a fag
I wonder if that guy’s read one word
That wasn’t in a porno mag

Now, I’ve never actually cried because I couldn’t get a date to the prom. But I understand the sentiment all too well. As well as the sentiment of the chorus:

He’s got his arms around every man’s dream
And crumbs in his beard from the seafood special
Oh can’t you see my world is falling apart
Baby, please leave the biker
Leave the biker, break his heart
Baby, please leave the biker
Leave the biker, break his heart

This is the geek’s dream. That somehow the guy who gets all the girls even though he’s a raging a**hole will get his comeuppance. It would prove there’s some justice in the world, even if you didn’t end up with the girl personally.

The irony, of course, is that even if said “every man’s dream” left the biker, it probably wouldn’t break his heart. He’d probably call her a boatload of names I won’t reprint here and move on to the next one. I would wager that it wouldn’t change his world one bit.

Now, I’m making gross generalizations here, all over the place. Not all bikers are complete jerks. Not all women go only for bad boys. And not all geeks are datable. (Is that really how you spell that? Spell check says it is, but I’m skeptical.) If they were, “The Big Bang Theory” wouldn’t be so funny.

That doesn’t make me any less bitter.